I am certain that I do love my husband and that, after another great session with the therapist I have been seeing, I feel that I will be able to work through this and be able to create a more fulfilling relationship with hubby. Perhaps that feeling will change, once I begin voicing my needs to hubby, but I’m confident he won’t want to let us go once he realises that such an outcome is a possibility.
But in this moment, right now, I cannot shake my yearning for TheMaster. At this point in time, it’s likely to be several more weeks before we see each other in person (after having not seen each other since The Over Nighter).
Today, right now, I would love nothing more than to be in his presence. To touch him. To kiss him. To wrap myself around him and be wrapped in him. I hunger for him to be inside of me. To pleasure him with my mouth. To be fucked by him. To be lavished with his affection. All of this lust and desire, that I am sure we share, would explode in the most incredible fuck-fest.
But I would also love to hang out with him and enjoy his company, as he has expressed enjoying my company too. And herein the conflict lies……breaking many Manifesto rules. That said, in practicing my new-found presence, I will stay in the moment and not think of all the possibilities that could eventuate…..as I have ruminated on in the past.
My fucking day dream (literally, haha!) is quite delicious, though.