After a recent pleasant chat with TheMaster, which happened to occur right after another wonderful therapy session, I have been reflecting further on why him.
I thought I’d add to my previous post on this in aid of my inner peace, as I recognise that ultimately inner peace is the goal of therapy – being comfortable with yourself, finding peace with that, accepting who you are and how you view the world. It’s the way that you see things and interpret them (based on past experiences, how you were raised) that result in how you experience the world. If something is unsettling to you, it is because of how you think about it, how you perceive it. Perception equals reality.
TheMaster is things that hubby is not – thoughtful, nurturing, very much a caregiver (he has been a father for a while…yes breaking a Manifesto rule I don’t think I’d mentioned this about TheMaster before). We have similar interests in a couple of things that hubby doesn’t share with me – apart from a love of sex. But hubby is also things that TheMaster is not (that I know of).
And then there’s what I label as energetic vibrations. From the start (I may be imagining things) he’s felt comfortable to me, easy, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Like coming home, where you can be yourself. After listening to Alain de Botton’s talks, I’m more aware of this quite likely being silly crush-like feelings and romantic idealisations, but if that is the case – why him and not others who are pleasant?
He does treat me the way I like the best – apart from his frustrating absences and lack of consistent communication. Although we’ve never discussed even being friends, so consistent communication is not something I can have expectations around without expressing what I want.
Yes, there are similar parallels with other playmates – in terms of getting along, a couple of similar personal interests, a level of mutual attraction. But TheMaster seems to have an extra air about him. Every good characteristic about him is beyond anything I have ever experienced before.
The things he does well, he does just right. He always walks me to my car when it’s dark. Asks if I want anything when he’s buying supplies. Notices things – hangs my dress up (I think he has some neat freak tendencies haha), runs a hot shower knowing that hot over cold is my preference – to give a few examples.
He does everything with manners and respect. But he’s also appropriately cheeky at the right times.
I feel like he thinks he doesn’t speak my language sometimes, that perhaps I am a bit ‘scary smart‘ – but he speaks my language very very well. And of course there’s those looks, often coupled with the perfect touch. The look that says “I am going to devour and destroy you” that is accompanied by a soft stroke of my skin or a hand on my back. It gives me shivers to recall it. And the look, mid-fuck, that tells me how much he’s enjoying himself.
Eyes & smiles get me – they say that eyes are the window to the soul after all – and I love beautiful souls. And TheMaster has beautiful eyes and a cheeky, warm smile. I like his warmth & softness along with his hardness, both seem to be used at just the right times.
He is the perfect amount of gorgeousness, I could eat him up all day long and still want more.
TheMaster will randomly tell me I’m stunning. Hubby has never said that to me. Actually, hubby has never said anything similar to what playmates tell me – things like, I’m so cute it’s not fair; why am I so nice; I have an amazing energy; I’m a head turner; and a favourite memory – when I sent TheMaster some fresh pics just for him, wearing a colour he’d only just told me he loved, I received a “Oh my fucking god. I’m needing to wank over those pics. My Magenta is looking damn fine”.
The best I get from hubby is “nice” and “mmm”.
But TheLinguist tells me I’m stunning too, as does TheForeigner. And they are both gorgeous themselves. But it’s like TheMaster doesn’t know how gorgeous he is. He’s as humble as he is confident, not that the others are cocky at all. Perhaps ‘humble/confident’ in a similar way to me, although he isn’t self-loathing like I can still be at times.
TheBull is also very sweet to me, but he seems to fight being warmer and less guarded because of his past hurts – which I totally get. TheBull is more available to me than TheMaster, and definitely shares some similar values, and I do think we will be good friends.
There’s just something about TheMaster….