A friend who knows about Magenta, keeps coming back to asking me what I want. So I started this list, which I’m sure I’ll refine/amend/add to – but for now this a good start.
I want to be supported – to be thought of, looked after, cared for. To not have to ask for this, although I realise nurturing and care doesn’t come naturally for men as it does for women.
I want to be cared for in the way that no one else can or does, because you are their world and you mean the world to them. And I don’t mean to care so much about another that you forget or lose yourself.
I want to be wanted, desired, appreciated. Yes, in the way that my playmates do. I totally get that if you don’t love yourself and fulfill yourself, how can others love you? I am getting much better at this and I do love and accept myself for the most part.
I want to be understood but also to be challenged. Push me, question me, counter my perspectives respectfully. Open my mind. Challenge me to grow. Grow with me.
I want my dreams and visions to be accepted, supported, admired. Or even better, to be shared. I want someone who is my biggest cheerleader – not that I can’t satisfy this myself.
I want someone who can honestly speak these words to me. Perhaps Husband could, but I don’t know. I do know that I would honestly vow them to him. Something to discuss in my next therapy session perhaps – talking about such promises with Husband, I mean.
I want someone who sets my world on fire, as much as I set their world on fire. I am not so naive that I think this is always the case – I know it takes work, consistency and attention – but I want someone who has the desire for this.
I want someone who speaks my language – which Husband does on almost everything except intimate and emotional matters. We honestly don’t fight or argue, although we also don’t have children yet and I think we’d have to work on a harmonious approach on parenting if we did – but I’m sure everyone needs to balance their views with their spouse on raising children.
I want someone I laugh with. Who wants to share their world with me. All of their world – what they see, how they see it. I want someone who dreams big, whose dreams I can chase with them and who will support me chase my dreams, as well as have dreams we chase together.
Is this too much to ask for?
In my most recent therapy session I was asked if Husband were to be more supportive and shared responsibilities more than he does now, whether this would be enough for me? Could I live without the appreciation and compliments, words of affirmation?