One revolution of the sun later…

Twelve months ago……almost 365 days……in a galaxy not too far from here….I had no idea that my life was about to be forever changed.

It was this very week, last year, that I met TheMaster.

I could never have predicted the journey that I have been on over the last twelve months, yet it feels like where I am is exactly where I’m meant to be.

Well, I feel like I’m on my way to where I’m meant to be.

It does feel odd to say, as someone well into adulthood, but I can honestly say that I feel like I know who I am more than ever before.

So, who am I?

I love to fuck – call it sex, making love, fucking….whatever you wish to name it.  I love all of the ecstasy and magic of the human body connecting with another.  I don’t believe I need love for sex but I do love soul connections, energy vibrations….when you know someone is vibrating on your frequency. Love certainly does give sex a deeper experience, I don’t disagree with that.

I love all types of music – from indie pop, alternative & grunge; to 60s, 70s 80s & 90s; old school R’n’B, some newer stuff & the odd hip hop; jazz, funk, blues; the odd pop track & other songs I don’t even know what to class as. I love Latin American music, French pop & reggae. I love covers of songs in different styles from their original (i.e. Nirvana done in jazz style or Pop/dance covered in an acoustic a capella style). I love anything with interesting use of strings, xylophone or base.

I love dressing in different ways – girly, sexy, cute, casual. I do love lingerie too (hubby is a bit apathetic over it, but that’s his preference. I love it so, yes I will buy it and wear it). I am still finding my style a little.  Sometimes I like to be dolled up, sometimes not. I can’t run around in heels as much as I used to and I’m certainly no fashionista but I’m okay with that. And no matter what I’m wearing, I am always prepared to get my hands dirty to do whatever is needed.

I am very much an INFJ, despite my initial reservations that this wasn’t me at all.  Often quiet with those I am unsure of but bubbly and engaging with those I am comfortable with.  I’m factual and analytical, which used to come across as judgemental (perhaps still does at times).

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I do think a lot, so finding true silence recently has been quite the revelation for me – despite not being new to meditation and mindfulness. I never realised before that silence allows you to hear what is truly important – yourself, your truth, your intuition.  If you can’t hear yourself, how do you know who you are? If you don’t know who you are, how can you love yourself?  Although my grapples with self-love and self-acceptance do go deeper than my personality type, as I have touched on before.

I love learning new things and connecting with others.  Especially with those vibrating on similar frequencies as me.  I am ever so grateful for stumbling upon my (now) good friend Ava who inspired me to blog.

I’ve learned that if anyone has issues with who I am, what I like or what I do – this says more about them than it does about me. I am not what you think I am, you are what you think I am. What you see is what you reflect.  I did ‘know’ this before but I feel like I’ve only really properly learnt this recently.

Anyone projecting negativity or unkindness requires the most love and compassion. I know this has been true for me – when I’m projecting shit it’s usually because I feel shit or am suffering in some way. Often suffering because of thoughts of my own making, my own projections or expectations. I can choose to hold on to this negativity or let it go.

Peace comes from presence. Be the love, in order to feel the love. Be the light and you will see the light, you will attract it. See abundance and you will have it.

Let go of questions or actions driven from the ego, what matters most is if you love yourself. Validation from others will never be enough if you don’t validate yourself.

I am finding my truth. Listening to my intuition. Trusting myself. Understanding myself. Loving myself. Fulfilling myself.

It is only after fulfilling ourselves that we can truly spread loving-kindness and peace.

It’s not all hunky dory every day – there are most certainly ebbs and flows – but the veil of darkness and ignorance is lifting, and I am finding the light. I can hear myself more clearly. I am finding my way home.  The times I undervalue myself and ignore my truth are becoming less frequent.

The universe works in mysterious ways indeed and I look forward to finding out what else is in store for me.

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12 thoughts on “One revolution of the sun later…

  1. So you’re an infj? So was Meredith. And she loved sex too :). This was a wonderful post. I love how you talked about frequencies. I had a post like that too many moons ago. And you’re chameleon way you see yourself is just perfect. Always looking for improvement and yet also in love with certain constants from the past. Oh this brought back happy memories. Thank you for sharing so much about yourself. I feel like I know you much better.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I sure am 😊 I have tested several times over the past few years since learning of MBTI and I’m still very much INFJ! Some do say a love of sex is an INFJ trait haha.
      Thanks for the comment and feedback Ryan, it means a lot ☺
      I hadn’t really thought about seeing myself as a chameleon actually but I guess you’re right to a degree….if you mean in a ‘jack of all trades’ kind of way?
      As I wrote this I did wonder about getting too detailed about my true identity but there are some big values of mine that I haven’t mentioned here. I must look up your post on frequencies….I have been querying my trust in ‘intuition’ and ‘innately feeling’ things as opposed to rationale a little bit this week…all of the synchronicity I see, read and feel is abundant – almost too abundant, especially for the calculated, analytical part of me!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I believe you. Meredith would tell me much of her inner world. It was so amazing. I honestly could not get enough of it. The way she reads people and situations blew my mind. Opened up another world to me. Emotions were never something I knew about innately and yet she lived her life through them. We would discuss people and situations we were in together and what we both saw. It was so interesting.

        The other funny part of it is that we would often come to similar answers to things but approach them very differently. I would think about them and come to the most logical conclusion while she would feel her way there thinking through the people and emotions. Yet we very frequently ended up in the same spot. It was crazy!

        Your frequency comment really struck a cord through. When we were together physically there were no words that had to be spoken. Did we have safe words? Yes. Did we talk about the things we liked during sex? Yes. But in the moment none of that mattered. We were just one. On the same frequency and I knew innately how to treat her and how far to push her. She knew what to do without commanding her and how to ride her emotions for maximum enjoyment. I could feel her emotional state and her pleasure even though I cannot describe how. It was extremely beautiful to be with her.

        Before we were physical we formed a good work friendship and honestly I was not part of her inner world. She kept it very secret. I could not have joined her frequency until later when I earned her trust and she let me in.

        And yes you both have a calculated analytical side. She was very good at using that side too. She could blend back and forth from calculating to empathetic.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh, I didn’t mean to infer that you were questioning my personality type 🙂
        How wonderful that you got to experience all of that. I do feel for your loss (for now, or who knows right?) but enlightened Magenta says “better to have experienced it and all the joys than not to have experienced it at all”.
        Thank you for elaborating on your thoughts re frequency. My deep-thinking, imaginative, dreamer, spiritual side is much stronger than my analytical ‘rational’ side and if I’m not mistaken you are more of a rational kinda guy, so your thoughts are much appreciated!

        Liked by 1 person

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