Mind-fuckery?

Since TheMaster revealed his marital woes to me four-weeks ago, I have been conscious of honouring myself and taking time for my own space as well as just letting him be.

In that time, we’ve had a couple of very sporadic chats including one that resulted in him over-reacting which he apologised for the next evening.  It was after he made a seemingly off-the-cuff comment of  “You have quite a strong feeling for me, don’t you“, to which I replied “You’re asking me this via text??“.  TheMaster later responded “Never mind”, to which I said “Why never mind?“.  I was annoyed by this exchange and shared my annoyance with a friend who retorted that he was being ‘a twat’.

Being that he called himself ‘an arse’ not that long ago, in recognition of his occasional arse-like ways, I didn’t think it would be an issue to share with him that my friend had called him a twat.  Long story short, he got quite shitty about being called a twat and mouthed off incessantly (all via Messenger text) – which I recognised as something deeper going on for him so I just let him be. In apologising for his over-reaction the next evening, he confirmed that he wasn’t okay but wasn’t up for talking.  In respecting that, I asked him to let me know he was okay sometime as I do worry about him – to which he responded with a ‘thumbs up’ emoji.

A few days later I sent him a note checking in, I inquired if he had been enjoying the book I’d sent him and asked if he had time to chat but he replied saying he needed head space.  I completely understood and respected this, and left him be once again. This was one week ago.

Yesterday, TheMaster sent me a message commenting that  “Well, that was a fucking cold weekend!” to which I responded quizzingly (as where he lives is quite warm compared to my hometown).  He later replied that he had been in my hometown over the weekend. Just a simple statement, just like that.

I don’t quite know what his intention was by telling me this in such a way.  I get that we all perceive things differently to others and perhaps my interpretation was not what he intended.

Was it to display his lack of care for me? Or perhaps he simply didn’t think it would affect me to tell me – after the fact  – that he had been in my hometown for the weekend? Trying to bring me down from my acknowledgement of having strong feelings for him?

Well whatever his intention was, I will acknowledge that it hurt a little. Despite being calm in my response, replying,”I see. Well, yes it was great fucking weather” (that was a literal ‘fucking’ by the way – TheMaster and I often speak of ‘fucking weather’ in jest), I will admit it hurt to know he had been so close but didn’t want to let me know nor try to even see me to say hi.  I get that perhaps he couldn’t say hi due to whatever circumstances, but such actions seem to speak volumes to me – although that is my view at present, which I am happy to be challenged on.

Such events reinforce to me that I need to continue honouring myself, my truth – do things that are true for me and are not influenced by others.

So, on that note…..standby whilst I continue to balance my throat chakra and prepare to open the gate….

 

 

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17 thoughts on “Mind-fuckery?

    1. Holy fuck about his comment/actions?
      Truly appreciate the male inisght, Mr Rev!

      Oh I am being understanding and kind – if he is indeed still in the midst of marital woes, I’m sure it’s not a very pleasant place to be…..especially with a perhaps less-enlightened spouse (my assumption).
      I do believe my feelings of him being a bit of an arse are valid though – both by his mention of his weekend and also asking me about feelings via text. He himself has said he prefers phone call to text and thinks phone calls are a dying thing, which I totally agree with….then he friggin asks that via text. Gahhhh.

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      1. Not interpreted as critical 😊 seriously – at all. Not sure why I needed clarification now I reflect actually….don’t mind me, just being my weirdo self over here.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Not knowing the players doesn’t mean one is unfamiliar with the game. I re-read some lyrics the other day that might be apropos. I hope they help:

    Here is a plea
    From my heart to you
    Nobody knows me
    As well as you do
    You know how hard it is for me
    To shake the disease
    That takes hold of my tongue
    In situations like these

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is all too frustrating, right? People care deeply for another and then a little riff occurs followed by each side digging in a little deeper and widening the gap. The way you share the chain of events, I certainly feel like you have the higher ground. Him being in a bad mood is not an acceptable excuse. Of course, his perception of events may be different. It is hard to see both sides when emotions are running high. And, they are running high because you do care about each other. Hopefully, things are improving. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha it was frustrating indeed – definitely only slightly hurt feelings on my part, and now I know the full situation I was definitely being subjective but I’m glad for the lessons and learning.
      I know that being in a bad mood or affected by your headspace at any given moment isn’t an excuse but it’s certainly human and something that more people need to recognise – I think it would result in friendlier relations all-round if more people took on this learning.
      I think it’s hard to see both sides at any given point – emotions involved or not. You can never assume another person’s perspective 🙂
      Thanks for reading and appreciate the comment!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well said Magenta. I’m looking forward to reading more of your writings. I’ve been a bit MIA the last couple months but hope to get back to WP soon. Hope you have a great weekend ~ Michael

        Liked by 1 person

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