The saga of the ending with TheMaster is best told by sharing our email exchange. I do wish to dissect things to a point, as my way of learning and processing, but this certainly says a lot.
I decided to send him the note below after spending time over the holidays with good friends and their darling children…… I realised that I should take a step back from contacting TheMaster as he was in the midst of fighting for custody of his own and I couldn’t imagine having to deal with that on top of everything else that comes with leaving your marriage…..having to set up home for more than just yourself, and all the rest of it.
Hi,I just wanted to send you a note to set out my position…..because I like being clear, without ambiguity, although I know things aren’t static, nor black and white. I don’t like to assume but I also don’t want to ask anything of you right now – not out of a lack of respect for myself, but out of respect for both of our situations and current headspace loads.My position is simple – I would like to know you. I would like you in my life. I have enjoyed many things in the time that I have known the little that I know of you.
I only wish to ask to be given the opportunity to make my own decision in requesting to know you and to be able to make my own mind up if I do wish to know you more – no comments of there being better around or things like that. My choice is still to request to know you more, whenever that time may come.
As you know, I am not ‘twiddling my thumbs‘ waiting around for the right moment. And I am certainly not ready to be dating any time soon. But when that time comes, I want to have clarity on knowing where I stand with you.
I don’t want to ‘go away’ but I feel that I should for the time being, please correct me if I am wrong…….but I really don’t want to be adding to any extra crap in your life right now.
Spending time with my girlfriend’s children on the weekend gave me added respect for you and your situation….the courage it took to make your choice that you did. I know that the typical societal view is to berate someone in your position but I find it inspiring and commanding of much respect….pursuing authenticity, truth and fulfillment. My nephews are amazing but I can’t imagine having to do that solo, let alone more than two. And on top of everything else.
I know I have found separating more challenging than I had anticipated and, whilst I have had plenty of added shit in my life, I can’t even imagine how suckful your journey has been.
If you do not wish to know me, please just say so. I am honestly good either way. One thing I know for certain is that I am never going to coerce anything in the future that isn’t a natural ‘fuck yes’, to quote a good Mark Manson article. You are clearly a fuck yes to many and most definitely a fuck yes for me.
If you’re not a fuck yes to knowing me, I am totally fine with that. But, if that is the case, I would like to be able to say goodbye.
I certainly don’t expect or need an essay reply, a simple fuck yes will suffice…..and yes I will be quieter perhaps, although I’m not saying ball is in your court. But if I’m not a fuck yes, please give consideration to when a goodbye can be had.