What Katy did next

Oh Kate Rose…..how I love your prose!

I have professed my love of this writer’s way with words a few times before – so much of what she writes truly resonates with me.

I just read one of her latest articles today and it articulates much of what I have come to feel is true for me recently.

I have come to realise that whilst I do love Husband and we have created some amazing memories together…….I believe that I fell in love with him out of ‘ego’ – very much with my head. Sure, there was an element of heart there and there is certainly much that I admire and love about him still……but it’s never been a soulful love.  The paragraph I’ve highlighted below very much resonates with my recent realisations.

The whole article is definitely worth reading…..the words truly speak to my soul.

Of all the “logical” things in this world—love isn’t one of them.

It’s been said that we never love in the same way twice. While that’s true because each person is different and so is the way in which we care about them, what it boils down to is: Do we love them with our head or with our heart?

This isn’t an issue of one way being preferable over another, but there are differences in authenticity, longevity, and depth that each just naturally exudes.

It seems that for many of us our first—or first few—loves are based more in our heads than our hearts. It’s not to say that we don’t actually feel genuine love for them, but it’s usually a logical love, even if it is profound.

For many of us, as we age we don’t really grow up, but rather grow out of the boxes that we either were placed in as children or placed ourselves in to conform. When we’re young and not yet developed into our authentic selves, we tend to believe that love is a choice of convenience and reason.

We chose partners based on what we felt we wanted or needed, and to help fulfill the role that we believed we had to live up to in society—and perhaps we even felt that we were happy.

It’s a love that makes sense, that doesn’t challenge our place in the world, and through our decisions, we fulfill the roles that we feel compelled to.

Loving with our head may even be satisfying—but it’s not soul-enriching.

Very often, we will believe ourselves to be content because our ego is comfortable in that love. It knows what to expect, and it feels good because others approve of our path and the partner that we have chosen to stand with in this life.

Our hearts tend to grow into love with someone who will help us question our own lives and belief systems—the type of person who will, through our own experiences with them, help propel us further along our own paths of self-development…..

A conversation with TheLinguist

Magenta [M]: I will be short on time tomorrow night and need to go home appropriately dressed, fed and with the absence of colognes etc (my story is a work dinner).  I am intending on arriving play-ready. Yes I would like your cock. Please feed me (I am starved, please be appropriately ready), eat me (a little is fine) and fuck me good & proper.  Tie me up if you wish or spank me for being demanding and greedy (no marks of course).

On Husband

Husband is a good man, but very much a man’s man.  He’s never been a ladies’ man at all –  I guess that’s one of the things I liked about him at the start.  I knew he wasn’t an arsehole.  He wasn’t into sleeping around or playing games.

Husband and I met when I was in my early 20s.  Not that young, some may say, but in hindsight I was very young emotionally due to my upbringing…or lack thereof.  I was relatively life-mature otherwise. However, Husband was my first ‘real’ relationship – not someone I casually ‘saw’ or dated (I can probably count on one hand the amount of dates I’d been on prior to Husband) – and I wouldn’t count my high school ‘boyfriend’, who I called my BF for 5 or 6 weeks, as a relationship at all.  It was also Husband’s first real relationship, only having had a high school girlfriend.

After our first date, we started spending a lot of time together pretty quickly.  I did like him a lot, I enjoyed his company and our common views, as well as the things we learned from each other. I remember having to make all the first moves on him – first kiss, initiating sex.  We certainly had a lot more sex back then, but nothing like I’ve experienced with playmates.

I do recall a few examples of Husband being helpful and supportive in our early months, buying me something random once or twice.  Showing care for my well being.  I really don’t know what changed and why it has only bothered me sporadically over the years.  We got married after a couple of years of dating and I’d always thought we’d have children by now, but that hasn’t been the case for many varying reasons (on my part at least).

I love Husband for more than our history and memories together.  Husband is great at explaining technical aspects that I find hard to grasp, whether they be something financial or how something works.  I love that he is street smart and very much self-taught.  He loves to dissect things, do puzzles, build things, educate himself in his areas of interest.  He is largely self-taught in playing music and he plays beautifully despite his self-criticism (I wish he would play more for me!).  I love the way that he learns things by just ‘having a go’ – very similar to the way I like to do things.  I have always had a very curious nature and am grateful that my natural inclination is to think that almost anything is possible.

Husband & I laugh about the same things, but often that is helped by remembering or relating a ‘personal joke’ to something happening in the present.  Although we did laugh about similar things from the start.   We have similar interests, the same strong work ethic and mostly similar values. We don’t fight.  We rarely disagree.  But part of that is because I struggle to communicate with him and then tolerate things I dislike – nothing major, just little things.  But I guess these little things do snowball into big things.

Husband has manners, and is kind, despite not being very nurturing or caring toward me for the most part.  He is great with his best mate’s children, although we don’t see them very often as they don’t live near us.

And of course I find him attractive.  He has a great arse, beautiful eyes full of youth and a lovely smile, I also love his voice. I love how sexy and manly he looks when doing something with his hands that he enjoys. I love his random, widespread knowledge on everything from science, politics and history to technology, finance and mechanics.

I know he is capable of so much and I feel I do love him for who he is, not for who I want him to be.  I used to want to change more about him, which I know is not love at all.  It is something I grapple with – do I love him enough? I certainly do plenty for him and our futures.  I know I would miss more than I probably realise if we were to part ways. And I would most certainly miss the relationships around our relationship that he has brought into my life – wonderful family and friends who I adore as much as and sometimes even more than my own.

We have wonderful plans for our future, but that doesn’t stop me from struggling with wondering what is enough?  In my last session with my wonderful therapist, even though it’s something simple that I’ve known for sometime, I had a bigger realisation that I do need to alter how I see things in order to find peace.  That Husband is clearly happy with how things are in our relationship and if I am to be happy too, I need to find peace within myself.

 

 

 

 

 

Magenta’s Men

I thought I’d do a recap on the current men in my life – whether their presence is sporadic or regular, and their current status from my perspective.

*Edited to add who would play these guys in a movie…..as much as I like to be as anonymous as possible, I thought I may as well give an idea of how lucky I am –  although how much of a likeness these guys are to the actors I name could be debated. I’d say who would play Magenta, but that would really be telling! 😜

TheMaster

TheMaster is obviously well known throughout my blog as a prominent character.  At this point in time, I think I’m resigned to the fact that whilst he has been a prominent character in Magenta’s world, he won’t be a prominent character in mine.  TheMaster has a lot going on in his life (who doesn’t?) and whilst he has commented several times (including as recently as last week) that he enjoys spending time with me just chilling, I don’t know what he wants or sees for us.  I can only assume that he wants an uncomplicated casual sporadic friendship (I don’t even know if he considers us friends) whenever he is in town – although I realise making assumptions can be dangerous.  I’d cast Gabriel Macht (or his most famous character, Harvey Specter), as TheMaster. 

 

 

MrAnonymous  TheBull**

I was originally going to call this guy something else, however he does state quite often how private he is and as we have gotten to know each other more (albeit virtually and not in person), I thought to ask him if he minded being written about. He was a bit iffy, so I thought I’d call him MrAnonymous in the meantime.  We met a couple of times at the end of the same week that TheMaster was here and MrAnonymous is definitely an interesting guy. He is unfortunately also from out of town, but is going to be moving to my town in the future.  He has been involved with playmates in the past whose husbands knew and approved.  I’d like to be able to explore this with my husband – but there’s that pesky communication issue to overcome first.  MrAnonymous was a lot colder in person than I was expecting, he’s much warmer on chat and video chat, but I get that he was perhaps nervous, maybe a little shy in person.  When I queried him on this later, he admitted to playing cool but he was also under a bit of personal stress and had been experiencing some muscular pain at the time which he didn’t let on how much it was affecting him.   Prior to meeting, we chatted quite a lot and he was a bit intense initially but it was a cute – so to experience him a lot cooler in person was unexpected.  I really enjoyed what we spoke about and the things he was interested to explore with me – he’d had quite a lot of experience in the players world from a young age.  Whilst we didn’t get to play much during our meet ups, the time we did play was quite exceptional in the end – brief, but unlike any other climax I’ve experienced.  Now that we have been chatting regularly, I truly cannot wait until we play again. MrAnonymous would be played by Kit Harrington, best known as Jon Snow from GoT. **Edited to add that MrAnonymous can be officially confirmed as TheBull. More about him to follow soon!

TheForeigner

I haven’t seen TheForeigner in quite sometime although we chat briefly every so often, maybe once a month. It’s a bit random really but, like TheLinguist, I feel quite comfortable and friendly with TheForeigner – definitely no inkling of liking him too much. He is a nice guy, great kisser, speaks my language enough although the sex isn’t quite there yet.  I’m not quite sure if we will play again as our schedules are clashing a lot this year thus far but he seems to like keeping me on the radar. TheForeigner would be played by a very young Viggo Mortensen.

TheLinguist

TheLinguist is more sporadic than TheForeigner, he speaks my language very well – we both love words, but as I posted recently there’s definitely no feelings of more there at all despite a lot of comfortable warmth and getting along well.  We haven’t chatted since I last saw him – which doesn’t bother me in the slightest. TheLinguist would be played by a young Bradley Cooper.

TheKid

TheKid is someone I haven’t written about yet but I chat to sporadically.  We met very briefly once last year just to say hi.  He’s very cute in person and his ad that I contacted him from had one of the best body photos I’ve seen to date – not his actual body (well he had an impressive back and glutes) but the artistic nature of the photo. We haven’t played and I’m not sure we will but he’s an interesting guy to chat to occasionally. Given I have only met TheKid once, and very briefly, it’s hard to say who would play him.  I think I’d have to say a younger Ryan Phillipe.

 

One of those days

It’s cold and dreary.

Great fucking weather.

After enjoying some nice time with hubby’s best mate and his wife recently, I was feeling really good about working on things with hubby.

But today – today, I just want to fuck. I want to devour and be devoured. I want skin. I want cock.

 

 

….It’s been a while

Hi there.  It’s me, Magenta.

Yes, I’m still here.

There has been plenty going on in my world – as there has been in others’ worlds in the blogosphere here, it would appear.

I don’t quite know where to start….let’s see.

TheMaster came and went. His visit was lovely and at the time I felt really good about where we were – that I enjoyed him as friend and perhaps we could become good friends who fucked. Then a week later I felt all over the shop about things, so I’m a bit ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  at the moment.

Out of TheMaster‘s visit, I acquired some new friends via an ad I posted after again discussing my desire to hunt for another girl to join us.  I went for a different angle with this ad, describing my ‘why’ more than previous ads I’d tried.  I listed things that I loved….soft skin, lips, delicious gentlemanly cocks (to name a few)….hoping to illustrate my bi-curiousity and the type of person I preferred to attract.

It was my most successful listing to date, picking up two couples, several guys (typical, unfortunately),  and actually a handful of girls to my amazement.  One whom has promise, but is from out of town so I am yet to meet her.

I also happened to acquire an intriguing new playmate whom I think I will name TheBull.  We have been chatting very regularly since he found me (I almost dismissed him as he really did not speak my language at the start – quite literally – being from another country albeit one with English as its mother tongue).  I’m glad he managed to get me to video chat as he is quite cute, a nice guy, and has lots of interesting experiences from which I have already learned a bit.

TheLinguist will be in town soon, so we will catch up although it will be a very brief trip for him.  I must get back to finishing the post on his first visit, it’s taken me forever to write – partly from forgetting details and partly because we had 4 play dates in quick succession.

More to come – stay tuned! 🙂